A room with a view...

Day 10

After bouncing back from a devastating time, these Guatemalans never cease to amaze me. They have kept such a positive outlook despite the recent circumstances. They still keep smiling faces and warm hospitality all with a joy for doing God's work. We have moved on to Puerto Barrios, but first a few encounters to be recorded.

We met Nino's mom at his house where we got to play with his shih tzu, Zach, look at Nino's baby pictures, and feel the loving warmth of a home. Nino's mom was gracious and kind as she offered us fresh, sweet beverages and gave us wonderful encouragement about the impact we are making in the lives of Guatemalans, and for the first time, it feels like I am truly making a difference.

The view from our resort

As for Puerto Barrios, we have arrived to an amazing, colorful, Spanish-built resort right on the coast of the Atlantic. Here there are water slides, lazy hammocks, romantic piers, a sand volleyball pit, and enough room to run. It is a true and stereotypical tropical paradise, and it is quite the blessing to be staying in a place like this. We are able to stay here for a cheaper price just because of the work we are doing in Puerto Barrios. We continue to bond with our Guatemalan family and are so grateful for how well they take care of us. It is almost to the point of parenting.

We have our assignments for our first clinicals tomorrow, and my job is to be assisting the dentists, which I am beyond excited for. God has placed me here for a purpose, and as the Guatemalans say, I hope to be "open to His voice," wherever he is calling me.

Questions to ponder as I am here.

'What are the challenging parts of my faith?'

The Thief and the Light...

Day 7

You came like a thief in the night. You labored and harvested your salty tears and the creaking of aching bones. You flirted with hope and teased us with fighting chances. You snatched us under your dark garments and made us feel blind. You snickered at our struggle and brought forth pain. You reached inside our chests and plucked out our hearts, leaving a void. You fled into the darkness with your treasures attempting to cover the light you have taken. 

However, where there is light there can be no darkness. Light triumphs over darkness. Instead, you failed in your thievery and brought forth the light. You exposed yourself, Thief, and now, you have let light shine. 

Today, I am reminded of the pain brought on by death. Brenda passed peacefully into the heavens and left behind her light. Many of you may not have known her, but people from all over the world have flown in, or sent messages, to say their farewells to a Godly and inspiring mother, wife, and woman. The group has never met Brenda, and yet, we have met her through all those she has impacted. Today, we got to cry and pray with our Guatemalan brothers, and rejoice in the life she has lived. 

Today, I am reminded of death. I remember those I have lost. Those that I miss. I feel the compassion for my brothers, as I remember what it feels like to watch thieves snatch away those lights. As I write, I imagine my readers taking on a similar feeling as they remember those who have passed on to a place we cannot see. However, my hope is that you find comfort in it. 

Peace is at hand. If there is one thing a thief cannot take, it is the light it has exposed for the world to see. Through all those who have touched our lives, we have taken a piece of their light to share. Can you imagine all the light in the world, if we shared all the light we have been given by our loved ones? So shine. Shine their lights, and there is peace in that. 

This past week we have been painting and laboring in kitchens and classrooms to prepare a way for the Palencia children. We have built relationships with the people of Guatemala. Despite the hardships, our brothers have been strong, and they continue with the work God wants and what Brenda has desired. 

A conversation I never want to forget is told by Brother Alex just before Brenda passed. He said this, "I have peace because Tito have peace. I think as I paint that I would not be here if it weren't for Tito and Brenda. I speak in love as I paint for the children to see love. We must speak in love to share to the whole world." Despite his limited English, Alex was able to express his passion and genuine emotions. His big heart and sincerity left me in tears, and I wish there were more Alexes in the world. I need to be an Alex. 

In our society, money and material possessions are seen as most prosperous and successful. Those who don't have it are pushed away, and we forget to show love where it is needed most. We find ourselves buying back into the superficial life abd judging how stupid that client was, or how ridiculous that person looks.  But listen to this:  Alex does not want his words to be understood as good works get you into heaven, or the benefit of putting your accomplishments on a resume. Life is not about the hot gossip at work, or the things left to cross off our to do list. Good works and life are about sharing love, whether you believe in God or not. It is about showing how attainable love is for everyone when you are givers and takers of it. 

So speak in love. Speak in love for people like Brenda. Speak in love for those who love
you. Shine the lights of those we have lost and remember what those lights represent. Share those lights with the world and shine them brightly. 

Speak in love.

Grief and Faith...

Day 5

We would like to believe that everything in our life has a purpose. How can we use science and logic to prove such a thing? Maybe it isn't logic at all. Rather it is simply faith and optimism that everything has a purpose. It was for a purpose that we came to Guatemala when we did. We met these hospitable, generous, happy people at the time we did for a purpose. 

The story is that Brenda, the wife to Dr. Tito (the founder of La Mision), the mother to two sons, 15 and 10 years old, and the mother of La Mision, has a brain tumor. In our Animal Physiology class, we learned that the central nervous system is encased with a hard, compacted bone that doesn't give a lot of room for expansion. The brain is a dangerous place for a tumor. The more space a tumor takes up, the more it presses on other aspects of the brain causing seizures, mood swings, headaches, leaving no room for the brain itself. 

Brenda is the second mother to all of these Guatemalans we have grown to love in such a short time. Nino, Samuel, David, Carlos, Dr. Kenny, Dr. Allan, Alex, Little Kenny -- each of them look up to Brenda and Tito as second parents. Brenda is not doing well. Our team sees the sadness and despair creeping into the faces of our new Guatemalan family, and it pains us to see them hurting. It pains me to see a good fifteen-year-old boy watch his mother die. It pains me to see a great Guatemalan family struggle to lose someone they love so dearly, and I take in all my loved ones, one at a time, to appreciate them. So now, we prepare. The team prepares for a long journey ahead. We wait for that one call that is going to change it all for our companions, and potentially move us in a way we never knew before. We prepare ways to comfort them, and yet, nothing seems like enough to give them peace, except prayer.  I prayed a long prayer tonight with the group for what will be done in the lives of our Guatemalan brothers. 

"We are just looking for peace in a world that is so hard on us sometimes." I prayed for everyone's peace because at times that is all we have left when life throws us curve balls. Somehow, we have to believe that it is for a purpose. Brenda is dying. Brenda came into the lives of our brothers, and we came into the lives of our brothers in a difficult time in hopes of a purpose. Whatever God has planned for us, may his will be done. May he grant us the strength to do what we feel we cannot. May he grant us peace to accept the things we cannot change. May he grant us the comfort to believe that there is more to life than just dying. 

Tonight, we gathered and sang songs. We worshiped. We laughed. We shed a tears for Brenda and her family. We lifted a prayer in the hopes our service has a bigger impact beyond what we can see in the lives that we influence, including the power to comfort, the ethic to work diligently, and the strength to move mountains.

By faith, we hope to move those mountains. 

Amen.

Why am I here?

I had this thought today, as I work diligently alongside a Palencia school teacher with a small English vocabulary and yet, a very bright smile. Why am I here? No, not just my presence in the universe, but why am I in Guatemala? I'm doing work in another country that I'm sure plenty of teachers back home would have loved for me to do. Why am I here?

That question isn't meant to shed a dark light on this trip, but it is a question that a person might ask themselves in a moment. 'Why am I here?' I wish it was as simple an answer, but I know it is a question that admissions officers, employers, and testy elders ask. I wish it was as simple as an answer, so it is my test. Why have I chosen the path that I have? Why do I want to be in the medical field? Why am I stubborn, independent, and self conscious?

There are a lot of things about ourselves we never want to admit, whether it be knowing you're selfish, or high strung, or jealous. It begins by being honest with ourselves. It is about opening up the dark to bring in the light, and if that is the person you want to be, then so be it.  One volleyball game with Guatemalans tell me that happiness is in light. It is in love. It is in friendship. They laughed the entire game, and that is an understatement. They are so bubbly and giddy that it is contagious. They are happy. They are so laid back that it reminded me to not let dirty dishwater splashing on my shirt, or the inconvenience of a burnt out lightbulb, get in the way of my happiness. Point is, I forgot what it felt like to not let the little things get in my way of joy. 

*note to self: there is a difference between joy and happiness, which can be saved for later.*

Today, I've learned the most about Guatemalan culture: things like the belief in peaceful protests and the gradual growth of LGBT groups within the country. Most people would say they are religious, but atheism is out there. Guatemalans are very educated about US politics, especially the moving force of Trump. The schools here go straight from high school into a professional school, and the idea that an 18-

Chapin

year-old me would have had to decide and stick to a career at that age would have been absurd. We had the Guatemalan national dish called Chapin (pronounced cha-peen), which was a delicious concoction of fried plaintains, scrambled eggs, salsa, black beans, sour cream, and, naturally, tortillas. On top of them trying to make us fat, they gave us brownies with ice cream. 

The hospitality of this group is unimaginable. They go above and beyond to make us comfortable. They are gentlemanly and polite without "falling in love" as they say, and as I think back to Tanzanian hospitality, I realize everyone just tries to make everyone feel as comfortable as they can with what they can. There is nothing more you could ask for. 

Be happy and forget the rest.

Palencia - Insight from the roof

Day 2

Today, we went to a place called Palencia. Here, we will spend a week working alongside our teammates and La Mision family in building up an elementary school for Guatemala's first day of school next week. It has been a lot of cleaning, preparing, playing sports, and plenty of good conversation.

I'm finding that I bring up Tanzania a lot. While it might get annoying for my peers, I enjoy teaching others what else is out there to learn. All the while, I'm trying to learn as much Spanish and of the culture as possible. 

What I've learned so far, you might ask? We are a very sarcastic crew. Our Guatemalan counterparts are sarcastic. We are sarcastic, and we just fuel each other's fires. I've, also, learned that Guatemalans are very... very clean. The irony may be that the streets are not the most sanitary, but these people will sanitize the floors spic and span before they cook in the kitchen. 

*note to self: do not drink out of the plastic cups*

We haven't been able to explore yet. I'm at a constant reminder that I am in service first, and then a student of the country. Yet, the free spirit within me cries out to see the streets. My way to explore the streets of Guatemala, as of late, is to sit atop of roofs and write my journals. I get plenty of "gringos" and stares as I sit, but I pay no heed. It isn't any different than being called a mzungu in Tanzania. I just accept that I will stand out, and I am proud to stand out.


I am constantly reminded to have no expectations. I am learning much of how to be a servant of  
people and Christ, but doing it in a way that feels more genuine. There is always more to be done. Here, we are tucked behind walls to be kept safe. Here, I am servant before I am a student. I am having to be remind myself to stop worrying about the Organic Chemistry class I have to take and the hours of studying ahead of me next semester. I am having to work hard on meditating on myself and focus on the present. It seems so hard in our society to just sit in silence for 10 minutes, without checking into social media every few minutes. We are a society about noise rather than of self reflection and silence. So far, I have much to learn. 

Be open.

And now Guatemala...my attempt to be tri-lingual

Ready to move fast & travel light!

It is the beginning of another adventure. It is time to take on greener pastures, tropical paradises, and colorful havens. A group of 13 acquaintances embarking on a journey to the greener depths of Guatemala. Here, we will be tested and tried in our sociocultural abilities and expand our knowledge in medicine. It is a dream to travel to foreign lands in the heart of serving and helping others; however, if it is one thing I've learned from a prior Tanzanian adventure, it will be a lot of Guatemalans helping me.


You see, a loved one of mine told me right before leaving that this is an opportunity to reflect upon my life and myself.  Two years ago I came back from an uplifting experience, and I loved that carefree, adventurous, and independent woman I was upon returning. Yet, even now, I have found that it is easy to find oneself diving back into the same ole Western society. The world revolves around me in a term coined as "youniverse." One begins to become more stressed, busier, and more disconnected with inner peace. You move not with the wind, but with the crowd. That girl is there, she just needs a little encouragement, reminding, and coaxing sometimes.

Guatemala City

We made it to Guatemala City. A red eye flight will make you tired, but we are here. Ready. Excited. You can see it in the eyes of my companions. Driving through the city brings back those somewhat distant memories of Tanzania: the gated houses, the crumbling rubble, the potholes in the roads. They do have more here (They have a Little Ceasars Pizza if that gives a little perspective). However, WiFi is a little harder to find. I find some difficulty in my transition from Swahili into Spanish, but I know a lot more than I realize. It will be a wonderful journey in challenging my brain into a trifecta of languages. Just jump right in.

Check the news ... This is a VERY active volcano!

Culturally, everyone seems very happy. They are very humble and laid back. They know how to run a business despite the ignorance of USA's definition of poverty. The joke with Guatemalans is that, people from the U.S. cannot call themselves Americans without calling a Guatemalan American. They, too, are American, if you can wrap your mind around that idea.

This journey will be a more meditative experience. It is time to come back into my inner harmony. The journey has just begun, and if travel has taught me anything, expect nothing and take things in stride. It is the last Jan Term of my college career, and I intend to make the most of it.

Adventura esta en el mundo.

"Adventure is in the world."

A return to me?

Here I Am

Here I am.

I am Jacqueline Brennan coming from your small town USA and embracing a world that is different, yet not so different than my own. Over the course of the trip, I find myself asking what will happen when I get home?  How will people react to me and my adventures?  What will I say to them?  How do I explain everything in one simple email?  I can't even say that what I have for you now is sufficient. 

Life exposes the superficial and thoughtful ideas to those it controls. Some things need to be realized by an individual through their passion, while other things need to be realized through their faults.  Life takes our hands and drags us through thickets of deception and pulls us through mogs of our biggest fears...for what?  From a recent movie, I heard a cool quote, "I am glad people can't tell the future; otherwise, we would never get out of bed."  Life can be the childhood monster under your bed and hiding behind the door of your darkened closet. Those thickets and mogs become so overbearing and derailing at times, we just try to hold on tight to whatever strip of our own identities we have left in our possession. We become brave.  We become resilient.  We become the cliche version of ourselves.

I can sit here and explain what a life changing experience Tanzania was for me, and how much I gained from it, but I would hate to bore. Truthfully, upon arriving in the Amsterdam airport, I realized one thing, I become just another face in the crowd.  I am not saying this cynically, but the simple idea is that no one knows what I have learned and done in Tanzania, and no one really cares. The truth is, people want to hear, "It was a life changing experience, and I wouldn't trade it for the world." 

However, a short turn of events also made me realize that Tanzania has not left me with a constrained view of human nature. I witnessed our Dutch captain of our KLM flight come to my friend, Kristin, in the wee hours of the morning and presented her with a book.  It was book number 6 actually, for passengers to write their aspirations and wishes of their lives, and it carried the most valuable and priceless treasures that answer many of life's most daunting questions. The book revealed the human resilience, courage, and the significance of the various personal identities contained in the borders of the world. 

This was our chance to either embrace being another face in the crowd, or fight it.  Writing down these things in a book of dreams does not necessarily make us change this inevitability, but it does make our lessons learned seem more official because other people will be seeing them. It was fate that Kristin was randomly selected out of all the passengers to do this, and I witnessed it.  I began thinking about what my entry would've looked like.  Something like this:

"It is easy to let life scare you. People all over the world, rich or poor, big or small, young or old, continue to get up and press on with the day, believing that tomorrow has a better future. What are these people looking for?  That's easy...Happiness. Success is not defined by material wealth, or the quantity of relationships you have, or how many places you've been, but rather a new definition of success is by being truly honest with yourself about your personal happiness. 

In Tanzania, I experienced and witnessed many things, but one of them is that it is a place that carries dreams in the light of a Tanzanian eye. I have seen it. Whether you (but mostly I) have learned that a shampoo bottle can last longer than 4 months, a scrap of toilet paper can go a long way, a bucket of bathing water could be more than you asked for, and eating with your hands can save doing the dishes, you never want to take ANYTHING for granted. Tanzanians most certainly do not underestimate their faith (nor the will of God), and as a result, Tanzanians have an imploding faith that allows them to never stop dreaming and fighting for their happiness. They exemplify the human resilience in their daily life. They have more to teach America than for us Westerners to try to teach them.

In accordance, you realize the world and its dreams, including your own, get that much bigger (and sometimes even more confusing), so find your Africanness."

There is my tribute.  Truth is, I care about Tanzania and the love, the relationships, the views, and smiles it has so kindly offered to me. I am returning home carrying on my back life-created wings from the superficial and thoughtful lessons I have learned. My cliche version of myself is my better self, and honestly, it is up to you all to observe the mark and impression Tanzania has left on me. You all don't have to care about all these life lessons I have learned, but promise yourselves that you never take for granted all the places you will go in search of your happiness. 

Thank you all for reading up on my journey, and this won't be my last adventure. Study abroad trips ruin you with restlessness (in a good way of course) for something else exciting just around the corner.

I bid thee adieu. 

Sending my love from around the world.  I am home.

Jax