Goodbyes...

The family gathered around the table as we waited for Nino to speak. He told us to grab hands, and he walked us out to the back yard where the dead of night was lit by a small fire on a stack of brick. We were told to sit in a circle, and Sammi began to play his guitar. The group was shocked with the surprise, but silent with the grief, for they knew what was coming... Goodbyes.

We began to worship around this warm fire, and the sparks drifted up into the sky as we reminisced with it each memory we've made in Guatemala, from the late night jam sessions and card games, to the catastrophes we have had to face. 

Dr. Tito sat us down and reminded us of what we said at the beginning of the trip, of what we wanted out of this trip. He showed us that, instead, we got something very different. The common theme in mission trips, or religious/service/leadership conferences, is that you find this great joy and fire for service, or for God. You're so in love with the idea that you take it on a honeymoon to your home, but then, life starts to get tougher. That joy begins to fade. You fall back into your old habits, and what is left is back to where you started.

I've tried really hard to make my writings more original than that. I'm fully aware of the honeymoon stages in life because I've experienced them. I hope that what my readers get out of this is not your average "you went, you served, you fell in love, and you came back," but rather they feel the true emotion and inspiration to it. Life is a challenge every day, and when talking to Carlos about his aspirations in a Masters degree in Logotherapy and positive psychology, I was struck with knowledge.

The story behind Logotherapy was founded by a psychology theorist by the name of Viktor Frankl, whose family and friends were killed by Germans and who was forced to work for the very people who killed them. Frankel asked a very tough question. He asked, "If my family and friends are all dead, what is the point of life? If everything worth living for was taken away from me, what is my purpose?" Maybe at times we have found ourselves asking what our own purpose is. The answer that Frankl found was realizing that every person has things called "positive points." They have things in their life that act as a higher power, even if it isn't God. Everyone has a higher power. In the end, there is an upside down pyramid. We are all working toward "self actualization," or being our true ideal selves, but Viktor Frankl's pyramid is reaching our ideal selves and at the top is the reason we are doing it.

Now that we have that introduction, we can better understand the journey. Throughout this Guatemalan adventure there has been much adversity thrown at our group. Even when all things seemed hopeless, or discouraging, we found reasons to keep pushing forward. These are the middle levels of Frankl's pyramid, and at the top of his pyramid, is God. The reason we keep pushing forward is to serve God. It is to help others. It is to achieve our goals. It is to make a difference. We find purpose even despite our tragedies, and positive psychology is just a way for someone to find that "positive point" in spite of adversity. Our Guatemalan family was able to show us how to find those positive points on this adventure, and in the end, maybe it gave us more purpose to keep pushing forward, so that we too can show others.

Around the fire, we were initiated into the La Mision family. We were each given a bracelet made of
coconut, and in it was a footprint carved into the brown smooth skin. It is our reminder. It is our reminder everyday what our purpose and calling is. It is a reminder to keep pushing forward even when things get tough, because there is love that needs to be shared and there is light that needs to be spread in dark places. The footprint is a representation of not only the mark La Mision has left on our hearts, but the mark we are reminded to make on other's hearts as well. Everywhere we go we leave a small footprint, and with our ideal selves, we hope that mark is memorable to continue spreading, to continue speaking, and to continue moving until every person that needs it is loved.

Thank you La Mision for the lessons, for the love, and for the reminders. We now bear your print on our wrists in the hope that we are constantly reminded of the joy we have gained just by listening to the call.

Bear witness with love...

Day 18...

Upon arriving to Panajatchel, what used to be one of the Seven Wonders of the World, Lake Atitlan, stares us all in the face. Its water reflects the pink and purple of the sky, and never in all my life have I been so consumed by colors. The mountains wore the pink of the sunset, and the light peered itself behind the three volcanoes surrounding the lake. The volcanoes towered over Panajatchel and the surrounding cities as protectors over the land, but they are silent beasts. In Guatemala, there are 37 volcanoes each with their own name and level of activity.

In the city, there were plenty of gringos walking around, so we knew we had finally arrived to one of the highest tourist areas of Guatemala. The street was lined with shops, each having their own colorful textiles, hammocks, ponchos, etc. inside. The street food bellowed with steam and heat, as treats, such as corn with lime and salt, were cooked.

Panajatchel was definitely the type of place a foreigner might go to find oneself. There were the "hippies" with their ratty dreadlocks, loose fitted tank tops, and baggy pants. There were the older tourists who wandered staring at the wonders of Panajatchel. There were also small, young families that enjoyed the small indulgences and sights as they dodged Tuk-Tuks and passing vendors.

My companions and I discovered the city street as we got a feel for the culture. The culture is very different than the city and Puerto Barrios. There is a more reggae feel with the people; more people advertising marijuana on their shirts, and a more relaxed vibe to the movement of the city.

For us, it has been a traveling day. We were able to go to the mega church of Guatemala again, and we worshipped. Even in Spanish, the worship is so alive. For those who enjoy art, creativity, dancing, food, sports, physical labor, or anything that simply speaks to you, worship is like that in Guatemala. It is that sense that you feel your body just rising and your heart being uplifted. You find peace there. You feel safe in that place. You feel that your body is consumed by that one thing. That is what worship feels like in Guatemala. The expression of passion is something beyond comparable to any other activity, and that is where you can feel yourself release that passion. I hope everyone has that one passion, a way to express that power, energy, and peace, like those in Guatemala worship.

Release that passion.

Days 19 and 20....

We set up for clinics in the village of Patzutzun (pronounced Pat-zoo-zoon), where the culture was apparently different than Puerto Barrios. Here, the Mayan people speak Kakchiquel (pronounced cahk-chee-kel). They are more conservative with their dress, as their outfits were more traditionally woven, with covered shoulders, and the women wore long skirts down to their ankles. All of the girls wore the same colorfully patterned material and the men all wore collared shirts and a type of fedora Indian Jones style hat.

It was obvious from the start that these people had more of the necessities than those in Puerto Barrios. They had clean water. Everyone had shoes. They had a good school with lots of room to play on a field. The climate was very cool as we were high in the mountains of Guatemala where the clouds would blanket the ground and another layer would cover right over head.

The people were quieter, but even a small smile spread a warm smile on their faces too. In psychology, we learned that our minds have a tendency to mirror those we are looking at. If you have a frown on your face when talking with someone, the person you are talking to will mirror your frown. If you have a smile, your receiver will mirror your smile, so smile.

These two days my job was to work in the pharmaceutical area counting pills and preparing medications for our patients. It was busy learning how to write instructions in Spanish on the prescription bottles and being able to handle the pressure of being fast and efficient. The second day I was checking in patients, asking them questions in Spanish, such as how old are you, and for females, are you breast feeding or pregnant.

I like both jobs, but interacting with the people brought me such joy to give them a smile before they saw the doctors and giving stickers to the little children waiting for the doctors. All the kids' faces lit up as they chose between Frozen stickers and the Avengers. A specific memory I had was with a young girl who was 23 and upon asking her if she was pregnant, a warm and shy smile grew upon her face, and she nodded in excitement. A joy that felt so warm that she really understood the miracle of God and the creation of life. It isn't quite a joy that can be explained in words, but felt in your heart that, even though having big families in these communities are very common, each one child individually has grateful parents to enter into the world with. After all the tragedy that has happened on this trip, a reminder of life is just the thing needed to set the balance of life and death.

I learned that no matter where I am on this mission, my part matters. Volleyball has taught me that wherever I am needed, it is with a purpose. It is being open minded to wherever I am needed and knowing that it matters to make the purpose fulfilled, and the theme of most mission trips is spreading God's love.

I had a discussion with some of the girls the other night. It concerned what it means to spread God's love and be a "witness" to those we encounter. I told myself I would discuss this topic, and I hope that in my journalling it doesn't bring offense to my readers, but I hope an understanding of perspective. I have encountered many people on my walk with Christ, and the Christian University at which I attend, and I have found some Christians who are very superficial.

What does that mean? Plenty of people in this world can call themselves a Christian. We can talk about God to everyone. We can say how we should pray every day, how we should praise him in all that we do. We can say all these things, but have it mean nothing. They are just words. These same people are those who I hear complaining about their lives. These are people who forget to be grateful. These are people that see faith in black and white, and yet, don't fully resonate God's love.

There are others I have met that when walking in a room can change the atmosphere entirely. Can you guess the difference? These are people who stopped just using words to profess faith. In fact, they stopped using words all together. Instead, they went out. They went out and saw the world. They saw where the love was. You see it isn't always in churches or in traditions, it is out in the world. Many people understand love differently, but the people who want to be a "witness" to the world did it in acts of love not in words. Their focus became to spread love, not words. Thinking back to the theme of this trip, they chose to "speak in love."

I have realized in my faith that it isn't always black and white. I have learned that simply professing words and pushing those words have pushed more people from God then drawing them closer. Instead, I learned to build relationships with people just like Jesus did with the prostitutes and taxpayers. It wasn't that the sick needed words, they needed love. There was a void to be filled and that void needed to be filled with love, and hence, why Jesus did the ultimate act of love.

The question I challenge Christians to ask is how are we witnessing? How are we exemplifying Christ? There are many eyes watching. Are we just speaking words or are we professing in love? It isn't as simple as an act of kindness converting someone to Christianity. I would challenge more Christians to stop using words and to start using love. In the end, I think that method has shown me more of God's love too.

Fun fact: I finally got to play soccer with the kids and I scored two goals. I'm moving up in the world.

Day 21...

As we waved goodbye to Lake Atitlan, we set forth toward the city and stopping at few places along the way. We drove past much of Guatemalan history, with the brightly colored Spanish architecture and grey cobble stoned streets. Guatemala is alive, even in the brightly colored cemeteries.

We made way in our adventure to the touristy town of Antigua where much of Spanish history lies. Spaniards long ago came and settled into the town of Antigua, putting up bright and religiously detailed churches, government buildings, and fountains. Now, some of these churches are just ruins of what old Antigua used to be. The city is very culturally diverse with Guatemalans who resemble Bob Marley, other Guatemalans who resemble the Latin American heritage in dress and style, Gringos that took a blast to the past in the 70's, with men with long blonde hair and paisley vests, or grungy, mysterious tattooed men with piercings all over their faces, women young and old with lean sunkissed bodies and unkempt hair, and other simple tourists with their basic khakis and collared short sleeved button ups, or loosely fitted skirts or dresses. Each of them have a story. 

In Antigua, I felt natural walking around among the market places being surrounded by foreign languages, smells of food, and bustling activity. I explored the markets comparing them to the touristy sections and found that most of it was necessities of belts, sunglasses, food, and bags. It was the more authentic areas of Guatemala that made me feel more at peace to be there. The group was able to indulge on cold and refreshing dark chocolate gelato. We were able to people watch (most memorably watching a young hippie couple stare into each others eyes without looking away for 20 minutes on a park bench). We were able to explore old churches and depressing, modern photo galleries. I was able to make friends with a small and precious little girl in the market where we would take masks and just put it on each others faces and laugh and run our hands through brightly colored confetti. It was a simple, yet a most original adventure, because it was mine.

Going shopping made me think back to finally introducing myself to the art of haggling. The idea of haggling has been one that used to stress me out. The awkward dance of never truly knowing how much something is worth, wanting the item I'm trying to buy, and knowing the vendor is charging me way too much. In Tanzania, I worked up the courage to get used to haggling, and the force grew. Now, I've watched my peers make a game out of it. I've watched them haggle a price down to over 80% off. They created a understanding of business just being business, and it was a concept I never truly enjoyed. This time I made a true effort. I used the methods of haggling from distraction to comparing prices to guilt.

In the end, I got exactly what I wanted, which is sometimes how we need to haggle for the things in our life. If we want something, we get it. The art of haggling can teach you how to be charming. It can teach you how to not be taken advantage of and stand up for yourself. It can show you how to weigh pros and cons of something to find its worth in your life, and in the end, if you want it, you find it, you get it.

The days are growing shorter. The end is near, and now, all of us are absorbing as much of Guatemala as we can, all the while we stay open to what may be in store in the next two days.

Days 22 and 23...

After arriving back to the city, in the comfort of Dr. Tito's home, we all rested and reminisced about our last days of clinics in Patzutzun. The consensus was the need was not as great in Patzutzun versus Puerto Barrios, but there was more culture, more beauty to the area, and more comfortable living conditions. However, the coming of our last days have worn on the hearts of the whole team.

The first day, we were able to interview high school students and evaluate their English for future La Mision trips. We were able to evaluate their comprehension of speaking and listening to English, and while most of the children I spoke with weren't as comprehensive, I gained a new appreciation for being on the other side of an interview. It isn't easy being on the other side of someone's fate, but understanding the importance of finding the best fit is something you can't take for granted.

We, also, spent time cleaning up the office after our long month adventure. We organized, cleaned, and packed many of the supplies preparing a way for the new future groups of 2016 to come in. It felt bittersweet to realize we are the start to the new year for La Mision, and now, we are preparing a way for the groups to continue making a difference.

We spent some time as a team relaxing on couches, conversing, and enjoying a good movie, and we all attempted to soak in every moment.

The next day we woke up to head back to the town of Palencia. We were headed back to the school where we spent our very first week on this adventure, and now, we were going to see it filled with the laughter of children. Everyone piled out of the van, greeting all the employees of Palencia school that we had grown fond to work next to, and I watched as the faces of the group beamed with pride. We finally got to see the effects of our work, and our work gave a lot of smiles to 184 students.

Our jobs there were to give the children at the school a small pill, that we had to take as well, called Albendazole, which is a parasite killing medicine. We also rounded up gifts that sponsors of the children had bought for the kids. They were all wrapped in tight, colorful wrapping paper with perfectly made bows on top. We had the children from preschoolers to sixth graders close their eyes, as we placed their gifts quietly on their desks, and watched them open it with such an excitement. Some screamed with joy, and others grinned, and they hurriedly rushed to open the gifts like children on Christmas. The beauty of this moment was not just to see how happy these children were to receive gifts, but to tell them that someone out there wanted to do something nice for them. We got to show them that God put these sponsors in their lives in the hopes they get everything they need to be happy. So, as a result, the Whitworth group for the first time in Whitworth history decided to sponsor a sixth grader named Alex. I have never been a part of sponsoring a child, but getting the chance to see it for myself made me feel wiser about what these children were receiving. They weren't just receiving gifts. They were receiving love and the word of God, and that is speaking love. Sponsoring a child is just doing it to "feel" good about what you are doing. In some ways deciding to take that step should be a way of growth just like it is for a child like Alex. We are quick to throw money at organizations without realizing their true mission for the purpose of feeling good about giving back, but it isn't about that. It makes one question if there is ever such a thing as a selfless act, but instead, I got to see the beauty of what happens when I do put my money into something like sponsoring a child. We gave Alex love,.

Alex has just turned 13 and was one of three students last year who didn't get a sponsor. All of his friends had sponsors except him, and now, he will have 13 young college students loving him until he gets ready to go to high school. We prayed protection and love over Alex, and as we waved goodbye to Palencia for the last time, we left knowing that we did exactly what we came here to do.

That was speaking in love to them, and their smiles back at us was their love speaking to us.

Poverty does not negate joy...

Day 17...

The beauty of today. We went out! We got outside of the office walls, and we went to this very large mall in Guatemala! The more I see in Guatemala, the more I realize how developed it is. I may not be in love with the city, but Guatemala City itself is slowly reminding me of a Latin American version of the states. We went and watched the movie 'The Revenant,' where we joked about pop culture and maybe some things that don't matter, but it was beautiful because we shared it together. We've built fond relationships here already, and on the drive home, a few of us discussed the ways we feel we have grown.

The consensus has been that with any experience in life you grow, but you may not see it just yet.  In hindsight, we find the things we have taken from each of our experiences; that breakup in high school, that bad test grade, that debate with your friend, or that trip in far away places. I hope that each of us finds those people in our life who make us grow constantly. We are never truly done growing unless we stop experiencing the world. For those who haven't noticed, life is a cumulative story of our experiences, and once we have decided to stop educating ourselves about the world, about where we are putting our money, or about what we stop seeing, we stop growing. 

An example of this became the highlight of our conversation on the drive home. It is coming to a point in a traveler's life where the happiest people we meet are those who have less. It is a lesson most humble travelers experience, and yet, upon conversing about it, we choose our words as such: "These people are so happy even though..." You can finish the sentence. This life does not show us that despite that the happiest places are on earth have less, they are such. It shows us that these people are happy BECAUSE of this. We are all in poverty. "Poverty (n). the state of being inferior in quality or insufficient in amount."  Example:  "the poverty of her imagination". We might lack love, humility, inspiration, or motivation, and maybe that right there is the real poverty.

Over 49% of Guatemalans are considered to earn below the poverty line. Yet, how do you view poverty? How can you choose to experience the world when you just alter a perspective about poverty? The question I have to ask myself is, am I in poverty?

 

Deep questions to ask myself for the future: the view of God on this mission trip and within my own life.

*note to self: be conscious of the faces you make near Guatemalans because a smile goes a long way, and so does a frown.*

Respite

Day 16...

Most of yesterday was spent lounging at the office, as we prepared a way for our next two clinics in Patzun. It was a great day of getting to know other team members. As the weeks continue, we have grown closer and closer to one another, and we are learning a lot about each other's lives and where we have been. We have outdoor active people. Our group has big, strong gentleman, and studious, intellectual people. Our group has generous and dainty people, and sarcastic, sassy people. We have Spanish speakers and book readers. Each one of the group plays a crucial role in getting our tasks done and our dynamic flexible.

After lounging doing odd jobs, our Guatemalan friends surprised us with a trip to a paintball course. It felt like I was back in youth group again going on group adventures. We split into two teams and dressed down in army gear and helmets. Everyone's excitement and adrenaline skyrocketed as paintballs flew, sometimes hitting their targets. A few have battle scars from paintballs hitting their hands or less armored areas of the body, and at the end of the day, we went home laughing.

It felt like home.

"There is a God, and I am not him."

Day 15...

Much of today was spent at the office picking up the damage from the vehicle accident. $22,000 worth of equipment in the back of the truck and only a few plastic boxes needed to be replaced and an autoclave. All in all, we have the equipment we need to do God's work on two of our last days of clinics. A big question has been where the prevalence of God has been in Byron's situation, and within the pictures of the wreckage, the remains testify that God was there. The passenger's and driver's doors, despite the destroyed crumple of metal everywhere else, came out unscathed in the wreckage, allowing Byron and David to escape safely.

It has been a catastrophic month for everyone. Our team has been flexible and understanding, while bringing laughter and energy to where it is needed to comfort. The team was brought together tonight to discuss the effects of these recent events the past month, and each team member had something interesting to say. The movie, Rudy, was quoted as we attempted to contemplate why bad things happen.  In the scene where Rudy talks with the priest to find answers to his consecutive failures, the priest says this, "After studying God and religion for 30 years, I know two facts. There is a God, and I am not him." We may not truly understand why things happen as they do, but as a result, we have bonded with each other and the Guatemalans over such crucial times. We discussed the hardships of seeing someone else changed because of such a catastrophic moment. Now, it is the "before that time" and "after that time" in someone's life, and now, it will always be watching a person change living with guilt, or pain after. Now, it will always be "after the accident," and knowing that person will never fully be the person "before the accident." 

I listened to how confusing it is to comfort and empathize with people. We want to be authentic and genuine with our words, while giving the space that is needed. I remember what it is like to lose someone, and all I could remember that helped was people bringing smiles and laughter. It is more than enough to simply smile and laugh. It brings joy. It brings patience. It brings love to a void that needs to be filled. There may not always be a clear answer when it comes to comforting someone, but know that a smile is more than enough.  

Lastly, the Guatemalans have been so gracious and humble with their standards. The book of Job was referenced, as it seems that the faith of the Guatemalans is truly tested in this time. They truly take the cards they are dealt and play them. As a Christian, I question how I would react if my faith was tested. Even if I wasn't a Christian, I would ask how I would react if my faith in the world was tested.

Today, I still might not say I've been through hardship like many others have, but at the same time, I've been through difficult times that have made me question me. My faith in myself, in humanity, or in God have been tested. So far, this journey is becoming clearer and clearer as to why I may be here. It is not as clear in words, but in my heart I am beginning to feel a peace. In my mind, I am beginning to feel how life has pieced itself together up to this moment. As suggested in the book "Eat, Pray, Love," I feel a smile being introduced into my liver as I gain all that I can in my last 10 days here in Guatemala, but prepare a way for my life back in the states. I hope all my readers could take a piece of this clarity. We may not have all the answers in life, but we begin chapters that help us to become who we need to be tomorrow. We start eating healthier, meditating more, reaching out, and focusing our eyes on what we need to do at that moment. Just like the Guatemalans, life is taken in stride with whatever cards we are dealt, and although we may not be the person tomorrow as we are today, maybe we don't need to be. 

Shalom.

Trials and tragedies...

Day 14...

Some unfortunate news rerouted our plans, as two of our dentists, Byron, and David were in a car accident. We loaded our stuff quickly and hurried to the scene from Puerto Barrios. While Byron and David were not hurt, the wet roads were very slick and made the tail end of the truck slip out and fatally hit a motorcyclist. Here in Guatemala, laws are similar to the states. Not only will Byron have to live with the idea that he took someone's life, he might have to go to jail for fifteen years or more for vehicular manslaughter.

Byron is a good man. He is funny. He is kind. He is smart. He is a server of God, and the idea that he could potentially spend some of his life in jail when he's just about to start a family doesn't seem fair. Catastrophe has hit La Mision all at once again, so soon after Brenda's death.  We are asked to stay calm and to not blow anything out of proportion, but we are asked to pray.

Witnesses testified that it was completely an accident, and Byron was not at fault. While that is a huge sigh of relief, Byron and David are still going to be shaken by the idea that a man died because both were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It is hard to understand why things happen the way they do. The man who died was a fifty year old John Doe. No ID. No idea where he lives, or if he has a family to go home to. Somehow, I have to believe God has a purpose for these catastrophes. Something to show us.

We spent most of the day traveling as we set course to Guatemala City. The Guatemalans have been very humble. The expensive dental equipment loaded in the back of the truck was stated to be "God's material," and not important to worry about. In the states, we would worry about the material and less about what God was trying to show us. It is a true test of faith and humility to show what kind of people we truly are. Praise God that Guatemalans can show me that there is more to life than worrying about the material, and more about the opportunity to spread God's love. It makes me question what kind of person I am if I were in Byron's situation and really tests my faith.

The question that remains is, if it were you, how would you cope?

Smile...it does make a difference.

The universal language is a smile. Every culture all over the world has smiles. It means happiness. It means we all secrete hormones that bring us warm fuzzy feelings passing through our body. The universal language is a tear. Every culture all over the world shed tears. A feeling of pain surges through our body, and we look for those things that make us smile.  

When working in the dental area in La Lampara, I watched rotten teeth being pulled when there was only three teeth left to spare. I got to hold the hand of a young girl who was afraid of the needle that was going to numb her mouth to take a tooth out of her smile. I smiled at every patient that sat down in the chair to hopefully comfort them in a way to prepare for the journey ahead. Each of them smiled back at me. I saw a lot of pain being relieved, but a lot of teeth coming out that could have been prevented easily with a 75-cent toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. The things a lot of people take for granted.

The theme lately is that it is the little things that can go a long way, and no matter how many times we are reminded of that, we still need reminding. Just one moment of kindness, or a simple smile, can do so much more than trying to fix someone's problems. We take for granted our smiles. It has been shown to me that one person's smile could make them feel badly about themself, but the work we do is to attempt to give them peace or relief, so they can find happiness in their smile.

Now, we have moved into another village, where the needs are just as great. My new job is working with the village kids, and it has been exhausting to keep up and play. It is even more frustrating to not be able to communicate with them to relate, but even holding their hands and giving them a smile is may be all they are looking for.

Just like anyone else they are looking for a smile.

A room with a view...

Day 10

After bouncing back from a devastating time, these Guatemalans never cease to amaze me. They have kept such a positive outlook despite the recent circumstances. They still keep smiling faces and warm hospitality all with a joy for doing God's work. We have moved on to Puerto Barrios, but first a few encounters to be recorded.

We met Nino's mom at his house where we got to play with his shih tzu, Zach, look at Nino's baby pictures, and feel the loving warmth of a home. Nino's mom was gracious and kind as she offered us fresh, sweet beverages and gave us wonderful encouragement about the impact we are making in the lives of Guatemalans, and for the first time, it feels like I am truly making a difference.

The view from our resort

As for Puerto Barrios, we have arrived to an amazing, colorful, Spanish-built resort right on the coast of the Atlantic. Here there are water slides, lazy hammocks, romantic piers, a sand volleyball pit, and enough room to run. It is a true and stereotypical tropical paradise, and it is quite the blessing to be staying in a place like this. We are able to stay here for a cheaper price just because of the work we are doing in Puerto Barrios. We continue to bond with our Guatemalan family and are so grateful for how well they take care of us. It is almost to the point of parenting.

We have our assignments for our first clinicals tomorrow, and my job is to be assisting the dentists, which I am beyond excited for. God has placed me here for a purpose, and as the Guatemalans say, I hope to be "open to His voice," wherever he is calling me.

Questions to ponder as I am here.

'What are the challenging parts of my faith?'

The Thief and the Light...

Day 7

You came like a thief in the night. You labored and harvested your salty tears and the creaking of aching bones. You flirted with hope and teased us with fighting chances. You snatched us under your dark garments and made us feel blind. You snickered at our struggle and brought forth pain. You reached inside our chests and plucked out our hearts, leaving a void. You fled into the darkness with your treasures attempting to cover the light you have taken. 

However, where there is light there can be no darkness. Light triumphs over darkness. Instead, you failed in your thievery and brought forth the light. You exposed yourself, Thief, and now, you have let light shine. 

Today, I am reminded of the pain brought on by death. Brenda passed peacefully into the heavens and left behind her light. Many of you may not have known her, but people from all over the world have flown in, or sent messages, to say their farewells to a Godly and inspiring mother, wife, and woman. The group has never met Brenda, and yet, we have met her through all those she has impacted. Today, we got to cry and pray with our Guatemalan brothers, and rejoice in the life she has lived. 

Today, I am reminded of death. I remember those I have lost. Those that I miss. I feel the compassion for my brothers, as I remember what it feels like to watch thieves snatch away those lights. As I write, I imagine my readers taking on a similar feeling as they remember those who have passed on to a place we cannot see. However, my hope is that you find comfort in it. 

Peace is at hand. If there is one thing a thief cannot take, it is the light it has exposed for the world to see. Through all those who have touched our lives, we have taken a piece of their light to share. Can you imagine all the light in the world, if we shared all the light we have been given by our loved ones? So shine. Shine their lights, and there is peace in that. 

This past week we have been painting and laboring in kitchens and classrooms to prepare a way for the Palencia children. We have built relationships with the people of Guatemala. Despite the hardships, our brothers have been strong, and they continue with the work God wants and what Brenda has desired. 

A conversation I never want to forget is told by Brother Alex just before Brenda passed. He said this, "I have peace because Tito have peace. I think as I paint that I would not be here if it weren't for Tito and Brenda. I speak in love as I paint for the children to see love. We must speak in love to share to the whole world." Despite his limited English, Alex was able to express his passion and genuine emotions. His big heart and sincerity left me in tears, and I wish there were more Alexes in the world. I need to be an Alex. 

In our society, money and material possessions are seen as most prosperous and successful. Those who don't have it are pushed away, and we forget to show love where it is needed most. We find ourselves buying back into the superficial life abd judging how stupid that client was, or how ridiculous that person looks.  But listen to this:  Alex does not want his words to be understood as good works get you into heaven, or the benefit of putting your accomplishments on a resume. Life is not about the hot gossip at work, or the things left to cross off our to do list. Good works and life are about sharing love, whether you believe in God or not. It is about showing how attainable love is for everyone when you are givers and takers of it. 

So speak in love. Speak in love for people like Brenda. Speak in love for those who love
you. Shine the lights of those we have lost and remember what those lights represent. Share those lights with the world and shine them brightly. 

Speak in love.

Grief and Faith...

Day 5

We would like to believe that everything in our life has a purpose. How can we use science and logic to prove such a thing? Maybe it isn't logic at all. Rather it is simply faith and optimism that everything has a purpose. It was for a purpose that we came to Guatemala when we did. We met these hospitable, generous, happy people at the time we did for a purpose. 

The story is that Brenda, the wife to Dr. Tito (the founder of La Mision), the mother to two sons, 15 and 10 years old, and the mother of La Mision, has a brain tumor. In our Animal Physiology class, we learned that the central nervous system is encased with a hard, compacted bone that doesn't give a lot of room for expansion. The brain is a dangerous place for a tumor. The more space a tumor takes up, the more it presses on other aspects of the brain causing seizures, mood swings, headaches, leaving no room for the brain itself. 

Brenda is the second mother to all of these Guatemalans we have grown to love in such a short time. Nino, Samuel, David, Carlos, Dr. Kenny, Dr. Allan, Alex, Little Kenny -- each of them look up to Brenda and Tito as second parents. Brenda is not doing well. Our team sees the sadness and despair creeping into the faces of our new Guatemalan family, and it pains us to see them hurting. It pains me to see a good fifteen-year-old boy watch his mother die. It pains me to see a great Guatemalan family struggle to lose someone they love so dearly, and I take in all my loved ones, one at a time, to appreciate them. So now, we prepare. The team prepares for a long journey ahead. We wait for that one call that is going to change it all for our companions, and potentially move us in a way we never knew before. We prepare ways to comfort them, and yet, nothing seems like enough to give them peace, except prayer.  I prayed a long prayer tonight with the group for what will be done in the lives of our Guatemalan brothers. 

"We are just looking for peace in a world that is so hard on us sometimes." I prayed for everyone's peace because at times that is all we have left when life throws us curve balls. Somehow, we have to believe that it is for a purpose. Brenda is dying. Brenda came into the lives of our brothers, and we came into the lives of our brothers in a difficult time in hopes of a purpose. Whatever God has planned for us, may his will be done. May he grant us the strength to do what we feel we cannot. May he grant us peace to accept the things we cannot change. May he grant us the comfort to believe that there is more to life than just dying. 

Tonight, we gathered and sang songs. We worshiped. We laughed. We shed a tears for Brenda and her family. We lifted a prayer in the hopes our service has a bigger impact beyond what we can see in the lives that we influence, including the power to comfort, the ethic to work diligently, and the strength to move mountains.

By faith, we hope to move those mountains. 

Amen.

Why am I here?

I had this thought today, as I work diligently alongside a Palencia school teacher with a small English vocabulary and yet, a very bright smile. Why am I here? No, not just my presence in the universe, but why am I in Guatemala? I'm doing work in another country that I'm sure plenty of teachers back home would have loved for me to do. Why am I here?

That question isn't meant to shed a dark light on this trip, but it is a question that a person might ask themselves in a moment. 'Why am I here?' I wish it was as simple an answer, but I know it is a question that admissions officers, employers, and testy elders ask. I wish it was as simple as an answer, so it is my test. Why have I chosen the path that I have? Why do I want to be in the medical field? Why am I stubborn, independent, and self conscious?

There are a lot of things about ourselves we never want to admit, whether it be knowing you're selfish, or high strung, or jealous. It begins by being honest with ourselves. It is about opening up the dark to bring in the light, and if that is the person you want to be, then so be it.  One volleyball game with Guatemalans tell me that happiness is in light. It is in love. It is in friendship. They laughed the entire game, and that is an understatement. They are so bubbly and giddy that it is contagious. They are happy. They are so laid back that it reminded me to not let dirty dishwater splashing on my shirt, or the inconvenience of a burnt out lightbulb, get in the way of my happiness. Point is, I forgot what it felt like to not let the little things get in my way of joy. 

*note to self: there is a difference between joy and happiness, which can be saved for later.*

Today, I've learned the most about Guatemalan culture: things like the belief in peaceful protests and the gradual growth of LGBT groups within the country. Most people would say they are religious, but atheism is out there. Guatemalans are very educated about US politics, especially the moving force of Trump. The schools here go straight from high school into a professional school, and the idea that an 18-

Chapin

year-old me would have had to decide and stick to a career at that age would have been absurd. We had the Guatemalan national dish called Chapin (pronounced cha-peen), which was a delicious concoction of fried plaintains, scrambled eggs, salsa, black beans, sour cream, and, naturally, tortillas. On top of them trying to make us fat, they gave us brownies with ice cream. 

The hospitality of this group is unimaginable. They go above and beyond to make us comfortable. They are gentlemanly and polite without "falling in love" as they say, and as I think back to Tanzanian hospitality, I realize everyone just tries to make everyone feel as comfortable as they can with what they can. There is nothing more you could ask for. 

Be happy and forget the rest.

Palencia - Insight from the roof

Day 2

Today, we went to a place called Palencia. Here, we will spend a week working alongside our teammates and La Mision family in building up an elementary school for Guatemala's first day of school next week. It has been a lot of cleaning, preparing, playing sports, and plenty of good conversation.

I'm finding that I bring up Tanzania a lot. While it might get annoying for my peers, I enjoy teaching others what else is out there to learn. All the while, I'm trying to learn as much Spanish and of the culture as possible. 

What I've learned so far, you might ask? We are a very sarcastic crew. Our Guatemalan counterparts are sarcastic. We are sarcastic, and we just fuel each other's fires. I've, also, learned that Guatemalans are very... very clean. The irony may be that the streets are not the most sanitary, but these people will sanitize the floors spic and span before they cook in the kitchen. 

*note to self: do not drink out of the plastic cups*

We haven't been able to explore yet. I'm at a constant reminder that I am in service first, and then a student of the country. Yet, the free spirit within me cries out to see the streets. My way to explore the streets of Guatemala, as of late, is to sit atop of roofs and write my journals. I get plenty of "gringos" and stares as I sit, but I pay no heed. It isn't any different than being called a mzungu in Tanzania. I just accept that I will stand out, and I am proud to stand out.


I am constantly reminded to have no expectations. I am learning much of how to be a servant of  
people and Christ, but doing it in a way that feels more genuine. There is always more to be done. Here, we are tucked behind walls to be kept safe. Here, I am servant before I am a student. I am having to be remind myself to stop worrying about the Organic Chemistry class I have to take and the hours of studying ahead of me next semester. I am having to work hard on meditating on myself and focus on the present. It seems so hard in our society to just sit in silence for 10 minutes, without checking into social media every few minutes. We are a society about noise rather than of self reflection and silence. So far, I have much to learn. 

Be open.

And now Guatemala...my attempt to be tri-lingual

Ready to move fast & travel light!

It is the beginning of another adventure. It is time to take on greener pastures, tropical paradises, and colorful havens. A group of 13 acquaintances embarking on a journey to the greener depths of Guatemala. Here, we will be tested and tried in our sociocultural abilities and expand our knowledge in medicine. It is a dream to travel to foreign lands in the heart of serving and helping others; however, if it is one thing I've learned from a prior Tanzanian adventure, it will be a lot of Guatemalans helping me.


You see, a loved one of mine told me right before leaving that this is an opportunity to reflect upon my life and myself.  Two years ago I came back from an uplifting experience, and I loved that carefree, adventurous, and independent woman I was upon returning. Yet, even now, I have found that it is easy to find oneself diving back into the same ole Western society. The world revolves around me in a term coined as "youniverse." One begins to become more stressed, busier, and more disconnected with inner peace. You move not with the wind, but with the crowd. That girl is there, she just needs a little encouragement, reminding, and coaxing sometimes.

Guatemala City

We made it to Guatemala City. A red eye flight will make you tired, but we are here. Ready. Excited. You can see it in the eyes of my companions. Driving through the city brings back those somewhat distant memories of Tanzania: the gated houses, the crumbling rubble, the potholes in the roads. They do have more here (They have a Little Ceasars Pizza if that gives a little perspective). However, WiFi is a little harder to find. I find some difficulty in my transition from Swahili into Spanish, but I know a lot more than I realize. It will be a wonderful journey in challenging my brain into a trifecta of languages. Just jump right in.

Check the news ... This is a VERY active volcano!

Culturally, everyone seems very happy. They are very humble and laid back. They know how to run a business despite the ignorance of USA's definition of poverty. The joke with Guatemalans is that, people from the U.S. cannot call themselves Americans without calling a Guatemalan American. They, too, are American, if you can wrap your mind around that idea.

This journey will be a more meditative experience. It is time to come back into my inner harmony. The journey has just begun, and if travel has taught me anything, expect nothing and take things in stride. It is the last Jan Term of my college career, and I intend to make the most of it.

Adventura esta en el mundo.

"Adventure is in the world."

A return to me?