Goodbyes...

The family gathered around the table as we waited for Nino to speak. He told us to grab hands, and he walked us out to the back yard where the dead of night was lit by a small fire on a stack of brick. We were told to sit in a circle, and Sammi began to play his guitar. The group was shocked with the surprise, but silent with the grief, for they knew what was coming... Goodbyes.

We began to worship around this warm fire, and the sparks drifted up into the sky as we reminisced with it each memory we've made in Guatemala, from the late night jam sessions and card games, to the catastrophes we have had to face. 

Dr. Tito sat us down and reminded us of what we said at the beginning of the trip, of what we wanted out of this trip. He showed us that, instead, we got something very different. The common theme in mission trips, or religious/service/leadership conferences, is that you find this great joy and fire for service, or for God. You're so in love with the idea that you take it on a honeymoon to your home, but then, life starts to get tougher. That joy begins to fade. You fall back into your old habits, and what is left is back to where you started.

I've tried really hard to make my writings more original than that. I'm fully aware of the honeymoon stages in life because I've experienced them. I hope that what my readers get out of this is not your average "you went, you served, you fell in love, and you came back," but rather they feel the true emotion and inspiration to it. Life is a challenge every day, and when talking to Carlos about his aspirations in a Masters degree in Logotherapy and positive psychology, I was struck with knowledge.

The story behind Logotherapy was founded by a psychology theorist by the name of Viktor Frankl, whose family and friends were killed by Germans and who was forced to work for the very people who killed them. Frankel asked a very tough question. He asked, "If my family and friends are all dead, what is the point of life? If everything worth living for was taken away from me, what is my purpose?" Maybe at times we have found ourselves asking what our own purpose is. The answer that Frankl found was realizing that every person has things called "positive points." They have things in their life that act as a higher power, even if it isn't God. Everyone has a higher power. In the end, there is an upside down pyramid. We are all working toward "self actualization," or being our true ideal selves, but Viktor Frankl's pyramid is reaching our ideal selves and at the top is the reason we are doing it.

Now that we have that introduction, we can better understand the journey. Throughout this Guatemalan adventure there has been much adversity thrown at our group. Even when all things seemed hopeless, or discouraging, we found reasons to keep pushing forward. These are the middle levels of Frankl's pyramid, and at the top of his pyramid, is God. The reason we keep pushing forward is to serve God. It is to help others. It is to achieve our goals. It is to make a difference. We find purpose even despite our tragedies, and positive psychology is just a way for someone to find that "positive point" in spite of adversity. Our Guatemalan family was able to show us how to find those positive points on this adventure, and in the end, maybe it gave us more purpose to keep pushing forward, so that we too can show others.

Around the fire, we were initiated into the La Mision family. We were each given a bracelet made of
coconut, and in it was a footprint carved into the brown smooth skin. It is our reminder. It is our reminder everyday what our purpose and calling is. It is a reminder to keep pushing forward even when things get tough, because there is love that needs to be shared and there is light that needs to be spread in dark places. The footprint is a representation of not only the mark La Mision has left on our hearts, but the mark we are reminded to make on other's hearts as well. Everywhere we go we leave a small footprint, and with our ideal selves, we hope that mark is memorable to continue spreading, to continue speaking, and to continue moving until every person that needs it is loved.

Thank you La Mision for the lessons, for the love, and for the reminders. We now bear your print on our wrists in the hope that we are constantly reminded of the joy we have gained just by listening to the call.

Bear witness with love...

Day 18...

Upon arriving to Panajatchel, what used to be one of the Seven Wonders of the World, Lake Atitlan, stares us all in the face. Its water reflects the pink and purple of the sky, and never in all my life have I been so consumed by colors. The mountains wore the pink of the sunset, and the light peered itself behind the three volcanoes surrounding the lake. The volcanoes towered over Panajatchel and the surrounding cities as protectors over the land, but they are silent beasts. In Guatemala, there are 37 volcanoes each with their own name and level of activity.

In the city, there were plenty of gringos walking around, so we knew we had finally arrived to one of the highest tourist areas of Guatemala. The street was lined with shops, each having their own colorful textiles, hammocks, ponchos, etc. inside. The street food bellowed with steam and heat, as treats, such as corn with lime and salt, were cooked.

Panajatchel was definitely the type of place a foreigner might go to find oneself. There were the "hippies" with their ratty dreadlocks, loose fitted tank tops, and baggy pants. There were the older tourists who wandered staring at the wonders of Panajatchel. There were also small, young families that enjoyed the small indulgences and sights as they dodged Tuk-Tuks and passing vendors.

My companions and I discovered the city street as we got a feel for the culture. The culture is very different than the city and Puerto Barrios. There is a more reggae feel with the people; more people advertising marijuana on their shirts, and a more relaxed vibe to the movement of the city.

For us, it has been a traveling day. We were able to go to the mega church of Guatemala again, and we worshipped. Even in Spanish, the worship is so alive. For those who enjoy art, creativity, dancing, food, sports, physical labor, or anything that simply speaks to you, worship is like that in Guatemala. It is that sense that you feel your body just rising and your heart being uplifted. You find peace there. You feel safe in that place. You feel that your body is consumed by that one thing. That is what worship feels like in Guatemala. The expression of passion is something beyond comparable to any other activity, and that is where you can feel yourself release that passion. I hope everyone has that one passion, a way to express that power, energy, and peace, like those in Guatemala worship.

Release that passion.

Days 19 and 20....

We set up for clinics in the village of Patzutzun (pronounced Pat-zoo-zoon), where the culture was apparently different than Puerto Barrios. Here, the Mayan people speak Kakchiquel (pronounced cahk-chee-kel). They are more conservative with their dress, as their outfits were more traditionally woven, with covered shoulders, and the women wore long skirts down to their ankles. All of the girls wore the same colorfully patterned material and the men all wore collared shirts and a type of fedora Indian Jones style hat.

It was obvious from the start that these people had more of the necessities than those in Puerto Barrios. They had clean water. Everyone had shoes. They had a good school with lots of room to play on a field. The climate was very cool as we were high in the mountains of Guatemala where the clouds would blanket the ground and another layer would cover right over head.

The people were quieter, but even a small smile spread a warm smile on their faces too. In psychology, we learned that our minds have a tendency to mirror those we are looking at. If you have a frown on your face when talking with someone, the person you are talking to will mirror your frown. If you have a smile, your receiver will mirror your smile, so smile.

These two days my job was to work in the pharmaceutical area counting pills and preparing medications for our patients. It was busy learning how to write instructions in Spanish on the prescription bottles and being able to handle the pressure of being fast and efficient. The second day I was checking in patients, asking them questions in Spanish, such as how old are you, and for females, are you breast feeding or pregnant.

I like both jobs, but interacting with the people brought me such joy to give them a smile before they saw the doctors and giving stickers to the little children waiting for the doctors. All the kids' faces lit up as they chose between Frozen stickers and the Avengers. A specific memory I had was with a young girl who was 23 and upon asking her if she was pregnant, a warm and shy smile grew upon her face, and she nodded in excitement. A joy that felt so warm that she really understood the miracle of God and the creation of life. It isn't quite a joy that can be explained in words, but felt in your heart that, even though having big families in these communities are very common, each one child individually has grateful parents to enter into the world with. After all the tragedy that has happened on this trip, a reminder of life is just the thing needed to set the balance of life and death.

I learned that no matter where I am on this mission, my part matters. Volleyball has taught me that wherever I am needed, it is with a purpose. It is being open minded to wherever I am needed and knowing that it matters to make the purpose fulfilled, and the theme of most mission trips is spreading God's love.

I had a discussion with some of the girls the other night. It concerned what it means to spread God's love and be a "witness" to those we encounter. I told myself I would discuss this topic, and I hope that in my journalling it doesn't bring offense to my readers, but I hope an understanding of perspective. I have encountered many people on my walk with Christ, and the Christian University at which I attend, and I have found some Christians who are very superficial.

What does that mean? Plenty of people in this world can call themselves a Christian. We can talk about God to everyone. We can say how we should pray every day, how we should praise him in all that we do. We can say all these things, but have it mean nothing. They are just words. These same people are those who I hear complaining about their lives. These are people who forget to be grateful. These are people that see faith in black and white, and yet, don't fully resonate God's love.

There are others I have met that when walking in a room can change the atmosphere entirely. Can you guess the difference? These are people who stopped just using words to profess faith. In fact, they stopped using words all together. Instead, they went out. They went out and saw the world. They saw where the love was. You see it isn't always in churches or in traditions, it is out in the world. Many people understand love differently, but the people who want to be a "witness" to the world did it in acts of love not in words. Their focus became to spread love, not words. Thinking back to the theme of this trip, they chose to "speak in love."

I have realized in my faith that it isn't always black and white. I have learned that simply professing words and pushing those words have pushed more people from God then drawing them closer. Instead, I learned to build relationships with people just like Jesus did with the prostitutes and taxpayers. It wasn't that the sick needed words, they needed love. There was a void to be filled and that void needed to be filled with love, and hence, why Jesus did the ultimate act of love.

The question I challenge Christians to ask is how are we witnessing? How are we exemplifying Christ? There are many eyes watching. Are we just speaking words or are we professing in love? It isn't as simple as an act of kindness converting someone to Christianity. I would challenge more Christians to stop using words and to start using love. In the end, I think that method has shown me more of God's love too.

Fun fact: I finally got to play soccer with the kids and I scored two goals. I'm moving up in the world.

Day 21...

As we waved goodbye to Lake Atitlan, we set forth toward the city and stopping at few places along the way. We drove past much of Guatemalan history, with the brightly colored Spanish architecture and grey cobble stoned streets. Guatemala is alive, even in the brightly colored cemeteries.

We made way in our adventure to the touristy town of Antigua where much of Spanish history lies. Spaniards long ago came and settled into the town of Antigua, putting up bright and religiously detailed churches, government buildings, and fountains. Now, some of these churches are just ruins of what old Antigua used to be. The city is very culturally diverse with Guatemalans who resemble Bob Marley, other Guatemalans who resemble the Latin American heritage in dress and style, Gringos that took a blast to the past in the 70's, with men with long blonde hair and paisley vests, or grungy, mysterious tattooed men with piercings all over their faces, women young and old with lean sunkissed bodies and unkempt hair, and other simple tourists with their basic khakis and collared short sleeved button ups, or loosely fitted skirts or dresses. Each of them have a story. 

In Antigua, I felt natural walking around among the market places being surrounded by foreign languages, smells of food, and bustling activity. I explored the markets comparing them to the touristy sections and found that most of it was necessities of belts, sunglasses, food, and bags. It was the more authentic areas of Guatemala that made me feel more at peace to be there. The group was able to indulge on cold and refreshing dark chocolate gelato. We were able to people watch (most memorably watching a young hippie couple stare into each others eyes without looking away for 20 minutes on a park bench). We were able to explore old churches and depressing, modern photo galleries. I was able to make friends with a small and precious little girl in the market where we would take masks and just put it on each others faces and laugh and run our hands through brightly colored confetti. It was a simple, yet a most original adventure, because it was mine.

Going shopping made me think back to finally introducing myself to the art of haggling. The idea of haggling has been one that used to stress me out. The awkward dance of never truly knowing how much something is worth, wanting the item I'm trying to buy, and knowing the vendor is charging me way too much. In Tanzania, I worked up the courage to get used to haggling, and the force grew. Now, I've watched my peers make a game out of it. I've watched them haggle a price down to over 80% off. They created a understanding of business just being business, and it was a concept I never truly enjoyed. This time I made a true effort. I used the methods of haggling from distraction to comparing prices to guilt.

In the end, I got exactly what I wanted, which is sometimes how we need to haggle for the things in our life. If we want something, we get it. The art of haggling can teach you how to be charming. It can teach you how to not be taken advantage of and stand up for yourself. It can show you how to weigh pros and cons of something to find its worth in your life, and in the end, if you want it, you find it, you get it.

The days are growing shorter. The end is near, and now, all of us are absorbing as much of Guatemala as we can, all the while we stay open to what may be in store in the next two days.

Days 22 and 23...

After arriving back to the city, in the comfort of Dr. Tito's home, we all rested and reminisced about our last days of clinics in Patzutzun. The consensus was the need was not as great in Patzutzun versus Puerto Barrios, but there was more culture, more beauty to the area, and more comfortable living conditions. However, the coming of our last days have worn on the hearts of the whole team.

The first day, we were able to interview high school students and evaluate their English for future La Mision trips. We were able to evaluate their comprehension of speaking and listening to English, and while most of the children I spoke with weren't as comprehensive, I gained a new appreciation for being on the other side of an interview. It isn't easy being on the other side of someone's fate, but understanding the importance of finding the best fit is something you can't take for granted.

We, also, spent time cleaning up the office after our long month adventure. We organized, cleaned, and packed many of the supplies preparing a way for the new future groups of 2016 to come in. It felt bittersweet to realize we are the start to the new year for La Mision, and now, we are preparing a way for the groups to continue making a difference.

We spent some time as a team relaxing on couches, conversing, and enjoying a good movie, and we all attempted to soak in every moment.

The next day we woke up to head back to the town of Palencia. We were headed back to the school where we spent our very first week on this adventure, and now, we were going to see it filled with the laughter of children. Everyone piled out of the van, greeting all the employees of Palencia school that we had grown fond to work next to, and I watched as the faces of the group beamed with pride. We finally got to see the effects of our work, and our work gave a lot of smiles to 184 students.

Our jobs there were to give the children at the school a small pill, that we had to take as well, called Albendazole, which is a parasite killing medicine. We also rounded up gifts that sponsors of the children had bought for the kids. They were all wrapped in tight, colorful wrapping paper with perfectly made bows on top. We had the children from preschoolers to sixth graders close their eyes, as we placed their gifts quietly on their desks, and watched them open it with such an excitement. Some screamed with joy, and others grinned, and they hurriedly rushed to open the gifts like children on Christmas. The beauty of this moment was not just to see how happy these children were to receive gifts, but to tell them that someone out there wanted to do something nice for them. We got to show them that God put these sponsors in their lives in the hopes they get everything they need to be happy. So, as a result, the Whitworth group for the first time in Whitworth history decided to sponsor a sixth grader named Alex. I have never been a part of sponsoring a child, but getting the chance to see it for myself made me feel wiser about what these children were receiving. They weren't just receiving gifts. They were receiving love and the word of God, and that is speaking love. Sponsoring a child is just doing it to "feel" good about what you are doing. In some ways deciding to take that step should be a way of growth just like it is for a child like Alex. We are quick to throw money at organizations without realizing their true mission for the purpose of feeling good about giving back, but it isn't about that. It makes one question if there is ever such a thing as a selfless act, but instead, I got to see the beauty of what happens when I do put my money into something like sponsoring a child. We gave Alex love,.

Alex has just turned 13 and was one of three students last year who didn't get a sponsor. All of his friends had sponsors except him, and now, he will have 13 young college students loving him until he gets ready to go to high school. We prayed protection and love over Alex, and as we waved goodbye to Palencia for the last time, we left knowing that we did exactly what we came here to do.

That was speaking in love to them, and their smiles back at us was their love speaking to us.

Poverty does not negate joy...

Day 17...

The beauty of today. We went out! We got outside of the office walls, and we went to this very large mall in Guatemala! The more I see in Guatemala, the more I realize how developed it is. I may not be in love with the city, but Guatemala City itself is slowly reminding me of a Latin American version of the states. We went and watched the movie 'The Revenant,' where we joked about pop culture and maybe some things that don't matter, but it was beautiful because we shared it together. We've built fond relationships here already, and on the drive home, a few of us discussed the ways we feel we have grown.

The consensus has been that with any experience in life you grow, but you may not see it just yet.  In hindsight, we find the things we have taken from each of our experiences; that breakup in high school, that bad test grade, that debate with your friend, or that trip in far away places. I hope that each of us finds those people in our life who make us grow constantly. We are never truly done growing unless we stop experiencing the world. For those who haven't noticed, life is a cumulative story of our experiences, and once we have decided to stop educating ourselves about the world, about where we are putting our money, or about what we stop seeing, we stop growing. 

An example of this became the highlight of our conversation on the drive home. It is coming to a point in a traveler's life where the happiest people we meet are those who have less. It is a lesson most humble travelers experience, and yet, upon conversing about it, we choose our words as such: "These people are so happy even though..." You can finish the sentence. This life does not show us that despite that the happiest places are on earth have less, they are such. It shows us that these people are happy BECAUSE of this. We are all in poverty. "Poverty (n). the state of being inferior in quality or insufficient in amount."  Example:  "the poverty of her imagination". We might lack love, humility, inspiration, or motivation, and maybe that right there is the real poverty.

Over 49% of Guatemalans are considered to earn below the poverty line. Yet, how do you view poverty? How can you choose to experience the world when you just alter a perspective about poverty? The question I have to ask myself is, am I in poverty?

 

Deep questions to ask myself for the future: the view of God on this mission trip and within my own life.

*note to self: be conscious of the faces you make near Guatemalans because a smile goes a long way, and so does a frown.*

Respite

Day 16...

Most of yesterday was spent lounging at the office, as we prepared a way for our next two clinics in Patzun. It was a great day of getting to know other team members. As the weeks continue, we have grown closer and closer to one another, and we are learning a lot about each other's lives and where we have been. We have outdoor active people. Our group has big, strong gentleman, and studious, intellectual people. Our group has generous and dainty people, and sarcastic, sassy people. We have Spanish speakers and book readers. Each one of the group plays a crucial role in getting our tasks done and our dynamic flexible.

After lounging doing odd jobs, our Guatemalan friends surprised us with a trip to a paintball course. It felt like I was back in youth group again going on group adventures. We split into two teams and dressed down in army gear and helmets. Everyone's excitement and adrenaline skyrocketed as paintballs flew, sometimes hitting their targets. A few have battle scars from paintballs hitting their hands or less armored areas of the body, and at the end of the day, we went home laughing.

It felt like home.

"There is a God, and I am not him."

Day 15...

Much of today was spent at the office picking up the damage from the vehicle accident. $22,000 worth of equipment in the back of the truck and only a few plastic boxes needed to be replaced and an autoclave. All in all, we have the equipment we need to do God's work on two of our last days of clinics. A big question has been where the prevalence of God has been in Byron's situation, and within the pictures of the wreckage, the remains testify that God was there. The passenger's and driver's doors, despite the destroyed crumple of metal everywhere else, came out unscathed in the wreckage, allowing Byron and David to escape safely.

It has been a catastrophic month for everyone. Our team has been flexible and understanding, while bringing laughter and energy to where it is needed to comfort. The team was brought together tonight to discuss the effects of these recent events the past month, and each team member had something interesting to say. The movie, Rudy, was quoted as we attempted to contemplate why bad things happen.  In the scene where Rudy talks with the priest to find answers to his consecutive failures, the priest says this, "After studying God and religion for 30 years, I know two facts. There is a God, and I am not him." We may not truly understand why things happen as they do, but as a result, we have bonded with each other and the Guatemalans over such crucial times. We discussed the hardships of seeing someone else changed because of such a catastrophic moment. Now, it is the "before that time" and "after that time" in someone's life, and now, it will always be watching a person change living with guilt, or pain after. Now, it will always be "after the accident," and knowing that person will never fully be the person "before the accident." 

I listened to how confusing it is to comfort and empathize with people. We want to be authentic and genuine with our words, while giving the space that is needed. I remember what it is like to lose someone, and all I could remember that helped was people bringing smiles and laughter. It is more than enough to simply smile and laugh. It brings joy. It brings patience. It brings love to a void that needs to be filled. There may not always be a clear answer when it comes to comforting someone, but know that a smile is more than enough.  

Lastly, the Guatemalans have been so gracious and humble with their standards. The book of Job was referenced, as it seems that the faith of the Guatemalans is truly tested in this time. They truly take the cards they are dealt and play them. As a Christian, I question how I would react if my faith was tested. Even if I wasn't a Christian, I would ask how I would react if my faith in the world was tested.

Today, I still might not say I've been through hardship like many others have, but at the same time, I've been through difficult times that have made me question me. My faith in myself, in humanity, or in God have been tested. So far, this journey is becoming clearer and clearer as to why I may be here. It is not as clear in words, but in my heart I am beginning to feel a peace. In my mind, I am beginning to feel how life has pieced itself together up to this moment. As suggested in the book "Eat, Pray, Love," I feel a smile being introduced into my liver as I gain all that I can in my last 10 days here in Guatemala, but prepare a way for my life back in the states. I hope all my readers could take a piece of this clarity. We may not have all the answers in life, but we begin chapters that help us to become who we need to be tomorrow. We start eating healthier, meditating more, reaching out, and focusing our eyes on what we need to do at that moment. Just like the Guatemalans, life is taken in stride with whatever cards we are dealt, and although we may not be the person tomorrow as we are today, maybe we don't need to be. 

Shalom.

Trials and tragedies...

Day 14...

Some unfortunate news rerouted our plans, as two of our dentists, Byron, and David were in a car accident. We loaded our stuff quickly and hurried to the scene from Puerto Barrios. While Byron and David were not hurt, the wet roads were very slick and made the tail end of the truck slip out and fatally hit a motorcyclist. Here in Guatemala, laws are similar to the states. Not only will Byron have to live with the idea that he took someone's life, he might have to go to jail for fifteen years or more for vehicular manslaughter.

Byron is a good man. He is funny. He is kind. He is smart. He is a server of God, and the idea that he could potentially spend some of his life in jail when he's just about to start a family doesn't seem fair. Catastrophe has hit La Mision all at once again, so soon after Brenda's death.  We are asked to stay calm and to not blow anything out of proportion, but we are asked to pray.

Witnesses testified that it was completely an accident, and Byron was not at fault. While that is a huge sigh of relief, Byron and David are still going to be shaken by the idea that a man died because both were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It is hard to understand why things happen the way they do. The man who died was a fifty year old John Doe. No ID. No idea where he lives, or if he has a family to go home to. Somehow, I have to believe God has a purpose for these catastrophes. Something to show us.

We spent most of the day traveling as we set course to Guatemala City. The Guatemalans have been very humble. The expensive dental equipment loaded in the back of the truck was stated to be "God's material," and not important to worry about. In the states, we would worry about the material and less about what God was trying to show us. It is a true test of faith and humility to show what kind of people we truly are. Praise God that Guatemalans can show me that there is more to life than worrying about the material, and more about the opportunity to spread God's love. It makes me question what kind of person I am if I were in Byron's situation and really tests my faith.

The question that remains is, if it were you, how would you cope?

Smile...it does make a difference.

The universal language is a smile. Every culture all over the world has smiles. It means happiness. It means we all secrete hormones that bring us warm fuzzy feelings passing through our body. The universal language is a tear. Every culture all over the world shed tears. A feeling of pain surges through our body, and we look for those things that make us smile.  

When working in the dental area in La Lampara, I watched rotten teeth being pulled when there was only three teeth left to spare. I got to hold the hand of a young girl who was afraid of the needle that was going to numb her mouth to take a tooth out of her smile. I smiled at every patient that sat down in the chair to hopefully comfort them in a way to prepare for the journey ahead. Each of them smiled back at me. I saw a lot of pain being relieved, but a lot of teeth coming out that could have been prevented easily with a 75-cent toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. The things a lot of people take for granted.

The theme lately is that it is the little things that can go a long way, and no matter how many times we are reminded of that, we still need reminding. Just one moment of kindness, or a simple smile, can do so much more than trying to fix someone's problems. We take for granted our smiles. It has been shown to me that one person's smile could make them feel badly about themself, but the work we do is to attempt to give them peace or relief, so they can find happiness in their smile.

Now, we have moved into another village, where the needs are just as great. My new job is working with the village kids, and it has been exhausting to keep up and play. It is even more frustrating to not be able to communicate with them to relate, but even holding their hands and giving them a smile is may be all they are looking for.

Just like anyone else they are looking for a smile.